I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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