Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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