Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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