grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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