Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
