At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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