How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize