ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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