mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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