If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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