very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
