Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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