I love black thongs
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
