saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
