I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
