I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
