I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
