how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
