If that was your dad, he is hot
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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