Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm getting married
To pizza
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
