I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
