I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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