I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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