Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
