Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
