Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i dont even know how to be here
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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