hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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