Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
