i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
