I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
