Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
