I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize