Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
