im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
