I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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