And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I party with great urgency now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
