Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my sisters under your porch take her home
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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