I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
