I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
