My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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