so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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