I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I believe in your delicious
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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