You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
