Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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