wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
