I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
