I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
