Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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