She's JV to your varsity
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
