My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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