Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
