i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wear drunk well.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize