My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
