Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
