New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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