I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize