just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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