you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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