you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
