It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
