My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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