I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
