he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
