never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
