i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
