if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
