Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
