the new term for farting is butt boxing.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my shit smells like andre
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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