yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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