the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
