Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
