I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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